Shame Resilience Starts with Recognition
Shame resilience begins with something wildly underrated: noticing it’s even there. If you’re living with diabetes, shame can quietly become your co-pilot, sabotaging your self-worth while you’re busy counting carbs and pretending you’re fine.
What Shame Actually Is (And Isn’t)
Shame isn’t just feeling bad. It’s that nasty inner voice that says you are bad. Unlike guilt, which focuses on actions (“I did something wrong”), shame attacks identity (“I am something wrong”). It’s a soul-sucker in disguise.
Shame and Guilt: The Importance of Shame Resilience
Guilt can indeed be useful. It reminds us when our actions don’t align with our values. But shame? It clings to your ribcage like damp laundry and whispers, “You’re a failure,” especially when blood sugars misbehave. Knowing the difference gives us leverage.
How Shame Shows Up with Diabetes
Maybe it’s the quiet “ugh” when you read a blood sugar log. Or the hesitation to tell your partner you had a hypo. Shame with diabetes is sneaky—it shows up in doctor appointments, skipped injections, and the haunting feeling you’re never doing enough.
The Hidden Cost of Unspoken Shame
Unspoken shame festers. It erodes self-trust and turns basic diabetes management into a minefield. It doesn’t just make you feel terrible—it derails progress. Emotional burnout? Often shame in a trench coat.
Why We Need to Name It to Tame It
Language is a weapon. When you name shame—out loud or on paper—you strip it of its power. Saying “I feel ashamed about this” turns a nebulous cloud of dread into something tangible. Tangible things can be tackled.
Shame’s Favorite Hiding Places in Your Mind
Perfectionism, comparison, silence. That’s where shame thrives. It loves when you keep things vague: “I’m just tired,” when what you mean is, “I feel like a failure because I ate pasta.”
Common Shame Triggers in Diabetes Management
Missing meds. Eating off-plan. Needing help. Having a “bad” A1c. These don’t mean you’ve failed—they mean you’re human. Shame, however, paints them as personal defects.
“I Should Know Better” – The Toxic Internal Narrative
This phrase deserves to be buried in the backyard. Just because you know something doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. Knowledge and behaviour don’t always hold hands—and shame loves to weaponise that gap.
Cultural and Medical Gaslighting Around Diabetes
Let’s not pretend the system isn’t part of the problem. Society shames diabetics constantly. Doctors can too, whether they mean to or not. When someone implies your condition is your fault, shame digs in deep.
Read this eye-opening piece on medical bias and diabetes.
Physical Symptoms Caused by Shame
Shame isn’t just emotional—it’s physical. Clenched jaws. Nausea. Brain fog. Shame can trigger stress responses that mess with your blood sugar just as much as that sneaky latte.
How Avoidance Fuels the Shame Spiral
Avoiding your numbers? Your appointments? Your insulin? That’s not laziness—it’s often shame steering the wheel. Unfortunately, avoidance keeps the shame alive and thriving.
Breaking the Cycle: The Role of Awareness
You can’t fight a monster you refuse to see. Awareness doesn’t fix everything overnight, but it stops you from blindly repeating patterns that hurt.
Tools to Identify Shame in Real-Time
Pause. Breathe. Ask: “What story am I telling myself right now?” This tiny question helps you interrupt the shame loop before it explodes into a full meltdown.
The Power of Language in Shame Resilience
Switch “I’m failing” to “I’m learning.” Replace “I’m a mess” with “This is messy.” Language shapes how you survive moments of self-doubt. Speak to yourself like someone you give a damn about.
Why Vulnerability is Not a Weakness
Opening up about shame feels risky. But hiding it will wreck you. Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the foundation of shame resilience. It’s also the way out of isolation.
Creating a Safe Space to Talk About Shame
You need one person—a friend, coach, therapist—who won’t flinch when you say the dark stuff. Vulnerability dies in judgment, but it blooms in acceptance.
Replacing Self-Blame with Compassionate Curiosity
Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” ask, “What’s going on for me right now?” Self-inquiry without judgment turns shame into an opportunity instead of a sentence.
Talking to Your Healthcare With Shame Resilience
You deserve a healthcare provider who treats you like a human, not a lab result. If they don’t, it’s not you—it’s them. Advocate for yourself, or bring someone who will.
Building Your Own Shame Resilience Toolkit
Try journaling. Practice mindfulness. Join support communities. Use grounding exercises. Shame resilience isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a lifelong set of tools you can reach for again and again.
See Mind Over Sugar’s Resources for ideas to get started.
Start Reclaiming Your Power
You are not your numbers. You are not your mistakes. You are not your shame. If you’re ready to trade self-blame for self-trust, come home to yourself at MindOverSugar.org. You’ve carried the weight of shame long enough—let’s lighten the load together.
Speak soon,
Pete 🙂
Your Diabetes Mindset Coach