I Called Myself Sub-Human
For what felt like forever, I blamed myself for having Type 1 diabetes.
Not just in a passing, frustrated way. I mean a deep, sustained, bone-level hatred. I called myself sub-human. I was so angry — at my body, at the condition, at the life I felt had been taken from me — that the anger curdled into self-loathing.
I know how that sounds. But if you’ve been there, you already understand it. And if you haven’t, I want you to know it’s more common in the T1D community than anyone admits.
The shame that comes with this condition is real, specific, and relentless. And it doesn’t heal itself.
Stop blaming yourself for something you never caused. Yes it’s easier said than done but your T1D arrived without permission, logic, or fairness. Blame adds nothing useful to the situation. It only drains energy you already work hard to protect.
This habit often starts quietly. A high reading. A bad day. A moment where you think you should have done better. That thought grows teeth. It bites every time something goes wrong.
Where The Shame Comes From
Type 1 diabetes creates a perfect environment for shame to grow.
You are responsible for managing a condition that is inherently unpredictable. You are expected — by the system, by the people around you, often by yourself — to achieve results that are not entirely within your control. And when those results fall short, the natural conclusion is: I must be doing something wrong.
Add to that the constant exposure to your own “failure” in the form of blood sugar readings that don’t behave the way they should. The HbA1c that isn’t where your consultant wants it. The hypo in a public place. The high after a meal you were careful with.
Every one of those moments is a potential trigger for the shame voice: you should be better at this by now.
And the shame voice, unchecked, becomes the dominant narrative of your relationship with your T1D — and with yourself.
What Shame Does When You Don’t Address It
Shame doesn’t stay still. Left unaddressed, it deepens.
It showed up for me as anger — at myself and at the people around me. As withdrawal. As drinking, for years, because numbing the noise was easier than confronting what was underneath it.
It showed up as a total disconnection from my own worth. As the belief that I was less than — that the condition had made me lesser somehow.
Shame is not a feeling that burns itself out. It accumulates. And the longer it goes unaddressed, the heavier it gets and the more of your life it shapes without you realising.
The Moment It Started to Change
I can’t pinpoint an exact moment when the self-blame began to ease. It wasn’t dramatic. It was more of a gradual exhaustion with my own cruelty toward myself.
I needed relief. From myself. From the guilt and self-loathing and rage that had become the background noise of my life with T1D.
When I finally put some of it down — when I stopped feeding the shame voice and started questioning it instead — it was like having two enormous weights lifted from my shoulders. Not gone entirely. But lighter. Manageable. No longer in charge.
That shift is available to you too. But it doesn’t happen automatically. It requires making a deliberate decision to stop treating yourself as the problem.
7 Ways to Start Releasing The Shame
- Name it as shame — not truth
The shame voice sounds like truth. “I should be better at this.” “This is my fault.” “I’m failing.” These statements feel factual. They aren’t. They’re shame wearing the costume of reason. Naming them as shame — not truth — is the first step to loosening their grip. - Separate the condition from your identity
You have Type 1 diabetes. You are not Type 1 diabetes. The condition is something you manage. It is not a measure of your worth, your intelligence, your character, or your value as a person. - Question the standard you’re holding yourself to
“I should have this figured out by now.” Should you? According to whom? T1D is one of the most complex, unpredictable, demanding conditions a person can live with. The fact that it’s still hard after years of managing it is not evidence of failure. It’s evidence of the condition’s difficulty. - Stop apologising for your numbers
Your blood sugar readings are not something you owe other people. Not your consultant, not your family, not the T1D community on social media. They are clinical data about your body. They are not a performance. - Acknowledge what you’re actually doing
Every day you wake up and manage this condition is a day you’ve done something genuinely hard. That deserves acknowledgement — from you. Start noticing what you’re doing right, not just where you’re falling short. - Talk to someone who understands it from the inside
Shame thrives in silence and isolation. It weakens in the presence of someone who says “I know. I’ve felt that too. And it’s not the truth about you.” That person needs to be someone who truly understands T1D — not just someone who wants to help. - Give it time and be patient with the process
The shame didn’t build overnight. It won’t lift overnight. But every time you catch it, question it, and choose not to feed it — it gets a little lighter. The small wins accumulate. Eventually you find yourself breezing past the moments that used to flatten you.
The Shame Ends When You Decide It Does
I carried shame about my T1D for years. Years of calling myself sub-human. Years of believing the condition had made me lesser.
I’m telling you from the other side: it wasn’t true. It was never true.
You are not failing at your diabetes. You are managing something genuinely, relentlessly difficult — and the fact that it’s hard is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of the condition.
The shame ends when you decide to stop feeding it. And that decision — however tentative, however small — is available to you right now.
You’re not failing – just emotionally drained..
And that’s okay – you’re not alone. You might be going through burnout and not even realise it.
Blame Feels Automatic With T1D
Diabetes culture rewards control. It praises discipline. It applauds numbers. When outcomes look messy, the mind looks for a culprit. You become the easiest target.
No one teaches emotional literacy alongside carb counting. So blame fills the gap.
Blame Versus Responsibility: A Critical Distinction
Responsibility says, “I respond to what is.”
Blame says, “I caused this and deserve punishment.”
Responsibility builds skill. Blame builds shame. One moves you forward. The other keeps you stuck. So stop blaming yourself.
The Myth of Perfect Control
Management never equals mastery. Hormones shift. Stress spikes. Illness interferes. Sleep fails. Bodies change.
Control remains partial at best. Anyone who says otherwise sells fantasy, not lived reality.
How Self-Blame Corrodes Mental Health
Blame turns vigilance into hypervigilance. It replaces curiosity with criticism. Over time, motivation collapses.
Mental exhaustion follows. Burnout waits patiently.
Shame as a Learned Reflex, Not a Truth
Shame often comes from messaging, not experience. Medical charts. Social media wins. Offhand comments.
None of these define worth. They only condition response.
Emotional Acceptance as the Real Starting Line
Yesterday’s emotional acceptance matters here. Acceptance does not mean liking diabetes. It means dropping the fight with reality.
From that place, change actually sticks.
Grief You Never Got Permission to Feel
Diagnosis steals futures you imagined. It alters ease. It rewrites plans.
Grief belongs here. Suppressing it only turns it inward.
Anger That Turns Inward
Anger needs direction. Without an outlet, it attacks the self.
That attack often disguises itself as “motivation.” It never is.
The Cost of Wasted Time and Energy
Life shrinks when shame drives decisions. Joy feels postponed. Rest feels undeserved.
Time matters more when health demands attention. Every ounce of wasted energy counts.
Comparison Culture and Invisible Pressure
Online highlights distort reality. You never see the full picture.
Comparing internal struggle to external polish always ends badly.
Language That Fuels Self-Attack
Words matter. “I failed” lands differently than “today was hard.”
Language either wounds or steadies. Choose deliberately.
Rewriting the Inner Narrative
Narratives shape behavior. When the story shifts, actions follow.
Practice replacing judgment with observation. Notice what changes.
Self-Compassion as a Daily Practice
Compassion does not lower standards. It raises sustainability.
Talk to yourself like someone worth keeping alive and well.
Letting Go Without Giving Up
Letting go of blame does not mean giving up on care.
It means choosing effectiveness over punishment.
Identity Beyond Numbers and Outcomes
You exist beyond graphs and data points. Identity needs space to breathe.
Protect that space.
Support That Actually Helps
Peer support works when it centers honesty, not competition.
Organizations like Beyond Type 1 offer connection without judgment. Use resources that feel human.
A Steadier Way Forward
Progress looks quieter than hustle culture suggests. It feels steadier. Kinder.
That steadiness lasts.
When To Seek Proper Support
If shame and self-blame around your T1D have reached the point of sustained self-hatred, depression, or thoughts of not wanting to be here — please speak to your GP. What you’re experiencing is real and serious and deserves proper clinical support.
And if you want support that understands the specific emotional landscape of T1D — not just the clinical picture but the interior reality — I’m here.
Until next time,
Pete
