What I Used to Say to Myself
Let me tell you what the judgement voice actually sounded like.
“You’re fucking useless, Pete.”
“You should know better by now, you dickhead.”
“Why can’t you get this right?”
That’s not a dramatisation. That’s close to verbatim. And it went on for years. Every reading that wasn’t where I wanted it. Every correction that didn’t land. Every moment where the condition did what it always does — behaved unpredictably despite my best efforts — the voice arrived and delivered its verdict.
What made it particularly insidious was how certain it sounded. It didn’t present itself as opinion. It presented itself as fact. As the obvious, accurate response to what had just happened.
It wasn’t. But it took a long time and a lot of exhaustion to understand that.
The Shift That Happened
Eventually, I just got sick of it.
Not a dramatic turning point. Just a slow, cumulative exhaustion with the amount of energy the self-attack was consuming. Years of calling myself useless for a condition that is, by nature, unpredictable. Years of treating every deviation from the expected as evidence of personal failure. Years of the same loop, arriving with the same certainty, producing the same damage.
I got sick of it. And from that exhaustion, a different response started to emerge.
“Okay. Why is it doing that?”
“I wonder what’s causing this.”
“What happened today that might have contributed to this?”
Curiosity instead of judgement. Not because I decided to be curious. Because I ran out of energy for the alternative.
What Curiosity Actually Looks Like
I want to be honest: it doesn’t always work. I still get angry. I still get frustrated. The judgement voice still arrives sometimes with its old certainty.
But 8 times out of 10, I’m curious now rather than condemning. And that ratio — 8 to 10 — has changed my relationship with the condition more than almost anything else I’ve done.
Here’s what curiosity looks like in practice:
A reading arrives that isn’t where it should be. Instead of “what’s wrong with me,” the question becomes “what’s going on?” What did I eat? How did I sleep? What’s my stress level today? Is there something physiological — illness, hormones, the particular unpredictability of a Tuesday — that might be contributing?
Sometimes the curiosity produces an answer. Sometimes it doesn’t. The condition is unpredictable enough that there often isn’t a clear reason. But the act of being curious rather than condemning changes the emotional experience of not knowing. It becomes a puzzle rather than a failure. Information-gathering rather than evidence of inadequacy.
Why Judgement Is Particularly Damaging For T1Ds
The judgement response to blood sugar readings isn’t just emotionally harmful. It’s practically counterproductive.
Stress — including the self-generated stress of self-attack — raises cortisol. Cortisol raises blood sugar. So the judgement response to a high reading actively contributes to keeping it high. You are making the problem worse in the process of berating yourself for it.
Curiosity, by contrast, reduces cortisol. It creates a calmer physiological state. Which is precisely the state most conducive to the blood sugar settling and the correction working.
This is not a small thing. It’s a direct, physiological link between how you respond to a reading and what that reading does next.
How to Start Practicing It
The judgement voice is fast. It arrives before you’ve consciously chosen a response. That’s why practising the alternative in calm moments — when the stakes are lower and the emotional charge is smaller — matters so much.
When you notice a reading that isn’t ideal, try inserting a question before the verdict. Just one. “What might be contributing to this?” You don’t have to have an answer. The question itself is the practice.
Over time, the question becomes more automatic. Not because the judgement voice disappears, but because the curious response gets faster. More practised. More available in the moments when it’s needed.
That shift — from “you’re useless” to “I wonder why” — is one of the most practically impactful things a T1D can develop. I know, because developing it changed things for me more than almost anything else.
The moment you choose curiosity over judgement
Curiosity over judgement changes everything the instant a number flashes across the screen. Instead of attacking yourself, you lean in. You ask questions. You notice patterns. You gather intel like a scientist with a caffeine problem and a heart.
This choice feels tiny. Yet, it shifts your nervous system out of panic and into power.
Why judgement wrecks progress
Judgement doesn’t motivate. It suffocates. It shrinks your thinking. It slams creativity in the door and locks it. When you attack yourself for a “bad” reading, you teach your brain to fear data instead of learning from it.
Fear never produced breakthroughs. Curiosity always did.
Curiosity rewires the brain
Your brain adores novelty. It thrives on exploration. When you use curiosity over judgement, neural pathways start to re-route. You move from defensive to inquisitive. You expand cortex activity linked to problem-solving and regulation.
That’s not woo. That’s neuroscience with attitude.
Blood sugar is a message, not a moral test
Numbers do not carry virtue or vice. They carry information. You simply decode it. The moment you stop assigning worth to the result, you gain clarity. You stop over-identifying. You become a neutral observer instead of the defendant on trial.
And that… feels deliciously powerful.
The science of kinder self-talk
Gentle internal language reduces cortisol. Lower cortisol leads to more stable readings. See the upgrade loop here? When you speak kindly, your body listens. It responds with less chaos and more coherence.
Sassy kindness still counts. Keep it spicy, just not cruel.
Emotional agility beats rigid control
Rigid control cracks under pressure. Curiosity bends. It adapts. It plays with hypotheses instead of clinging to rules. That flexibility creates emotional agility, and emotional agility outperforms strictness every single time.
Curious people recover faster. Period.
Data as a neutral observer
Think of your monitor as a silent witness. It reports. It never insults. You don’t argue with a thermometer. So stop arguing with this. Notice. Record. Reflect. Stay out of the drama vortex.
Clarity lives in calm.
Patterns over isolated numbers
One number tells nothing. Five numbers tell a narrative. Twenty numbers show rhythm. Step back. Zoom out. Look for cadence, not chaos. Patterns whisper truths that single spikes cannot.
Macro vision = mastery.
Food without the guilt spiral
You eat. You watch. You learn. You do not punish. Curiosity over judgement turns meals into experiments instead of emotional battlegrounds. Instead of “I messed up,” you say, “That combo caused a spike. Fascinating.”
Stress, sleep, and the hidden levers
You don’t just run on carbs. You run on neurotransmitters, hormones, and rest. Anxiety, broken sleep, and emotional overload jack with your levels. Curiosity invites you to track mood and rest along with intake.
Hormones: the silent disruptors
Hormones behave like rebellious artists. They create unexpected surges and dips. You don’t yell at art for being unpredictable. You observe it, study it, and adapt your environment around it.
Movement as information, not punishment
You don’t move to “fix” a number. You move to gather feedback. A short walk becomes a science experiment. Strength training becomes a signal test. This approach turns exercise into insight, not obligation.
Self-compassion as a discipline
Self-compassion isn’t soft. It’s strategic. It keeps your mind flexible and your body out of survival mode. It fuels consistency. Be strict about being kind. That’s the real discipline.
Gentleness holds power.
Language that liberates, not labels
Drop “good” and “bad.” Pick “high,” “low,” “stable,” or “learning.” Neutral language clears cognitive fog. You gain control over meaning. When you stop dramatizing the numbers, you can begin to be as one with them.
Words build worlds.
Curiosity in public and private spaces
When numbers rise around others, you still stay grounded. You resist explanations filled with self-attack. You say, “I’m gathering info.” That confidence ripples outward and rewrites your identity.
Poise looks good on you.
From control to collaboration
Your body is not your enemy. It’s your complex, sensitive collaborator. When you use curiosity over judgement, you begin working with it instead of fighting it. Cooperation creates progress. Conflict creates chaos.
Choose alliance.
When numbers still trigger you
Triggers don’t vanish overnight and that’s okay because this is where breath steps in. Perspective returns. You name the sensation. You refuse to spiral. You gently repeat the mantra: curiosity over judgement. And then you proceed anyway.
Your power exists in return, not perfection.
Building a sustainable mindset
Trends burn out but your mindset will endure. A curious mindset scales with time, stress, growth, and change. It protects you from burnout and keeps you adaptive in unpredictable seasons.
Sustainability wins long games.
The long-term impact of curious living
Lower stress. Clearer decisions. Less shame. Better adherence. Increased awareness. Emotional liberation. Curiosity over judgement doesn’t just reshape numbers. It remodels identity.
You’ll become sovereign again.
Your next bold, gentle step
Now take action. Write down the last number you judged. Revisit it through curiosity over judgement. Ask the four questions. Extract the insight. Keep the compassion. Then move forward, lighter and smarter.
You do not need punishment. You need perspective.
External Links
- Beyond Type 1: https://beyondtype1.org/
- American Psychological Association (stress & self-compassion): https://www.apa.org/
- Cleveland Clinic (mind-body connection): https://my.clevelandclinic.org/
Think you might need a hand?
If you’re ready to ditch shame and strengthen your mindset – I’m here.
Choose clarity. Choose compassion. Choose power.
Until next time,
Pete,
