When It Almost Broke Me
Twice in my life with Type 1 diabetes, the unpredictability nearly took me down. Not metaphorically — I mean I didn’t know how I’d keep going.
The first time was three years after diagnosis. Highs and lows with no pattern, no mercy. I turned to alcohol. Heavily, for four years, until I barely remembered why I’d started. My partner at the time helped me stop.
The second was 2013, when my daughter was born. I expected joy. I got depression instead. My blood sugars spiralled worse than ever, and a voice in my head kept telling me I wasn’t good enough to be a father. I drank again. My family broke apart in 2017. The suicidal thoughts came back too — but this time they felt like a warning I finally had to listen to. I’m not telling you this for sympathy. I’m telling you because some of you reading this are in one of those places right now. I got through both. So can you.
Why Unpredictability Wrecks You
Humans adapt to almost anything — hard jobs, chronic pain, difficult relationships — as long as it’s consistent. Randomness is different. It’s one of the most psychologically damaging things a person can live with.
That’s what unstable blood sugar is: randomness on a loop. You count the carbs, time the insulin, avoid the triggers — and the numbers still make no sense. When you can’t control the thing you’re desperate to control, your brain hunts for a reason. It usually lands on: it must be my fault.
Self-blame plus physical strain is a fast track to mental health decline.
What the Rollercoaster Does to Your Body
- Hypos trigger adrenaline surges, mood crashes, and neurological disruption that can linger for hours
- Highs bring fatigue, brain fog, irritability, a constant heaviness
- The swings themselves keep your nervous system stuck in chronic stress, never settling
- That stress raises cortisol, which raises blood sugar, which fuels more instability — a loop that feeds itself
- This isn’t a willpower problem. It’s a physiological chain reaction with real psychological fallout.
What People Get Wrong
The assumption: instability is just a management failure — dial in the doses, try harder, discipline yourself, and it’ll settle. Sometimes better management helps. But often the roots run deeper — stress, sleep loss, hormones, alcohol, grief, breakups. Life. And life doesn’t pause for your numbers.
The other myth: that the mental health damage is a side effect of bad management. It isn’t. The rollercoaster itself causes real psychological harm — harm that deserves direct treatment, not just chasing better numbers.
The Hidden Toll
One minute you’re shaky and panicked, the next foggy and flat. It feels like your body is betraying you. The unpredictability breeds fear, frustration, and exhaustion — a storm with no warning siren.
Fear becomes your daily companion: fear of collapsing in public, of waking up drenched in sweat, of long-term damage. Every bite, every walk, every night’s sleep gets second-guessed. And when you’ve done everything “right” and the numbers still betray you, despair creeps in, whispering that nothing you do matters
Mindfulness Isn’t Fluff — It’s Survival
Mindfulness won’t stop the swings. What it does is create space between the spiral in your head and what’s actually happening, so you can face the chaos without falling apart.
8 Ways Mindfulness Helps in the Worst Moments
1. Breathing — slows the panic, steadies your heartbeat when numbers spike or crash.
2. Meditation — clears the fear-fog and reminds you one number isn’t your whole day, or your worth.
3. Non-judgmental awareness — notice a bad reading, accept it, move on. No mental punishment.
4. Staying present — stops your mind spiralling into “what if I collapse later” and keeps you grounded now.
5. Body scans — catch your body’s quiet signals before they become screams.
6. Self-compassion — softens the inner critic that a bad number always triggers.
7. Gratitude — shifts focus from the fear to small wins, like catching a low early.
8. Reflection — mining today for lessons instead of staying stuck in dread about tomorrow.
When you need more than self-help
If you’re using alcohol or anything else to cope, having thoughts of suicide, or just feel like you can’t go on — reach out today. Your GP, your diabetes team, Samaritans (116 123), or a mental health professional who understands chronic illness.
That’s not failure. It’s a sign you’ve carried too much for too long without support. Support exists — use it.
It Can Slow Down
I won’t promise it stops. T1D is T1D. But your relationship with the unpredictability — the grip it has on your mind — can change completely.
I’ve been at the bottom twice. I got through both. My relationship with my diabetes, and with myself, is different now — not because the diabetes got easier, but because I did. If you want help making that shift, I’m here.
For more emotional strategies, check out the Diabetes Burnout Symptoms guide. And my burnout questionnaire here, because it’s so much better that we nip it in the bud now before the sh*t really does hit the fan 🙂
A Note of Care and Clarity
I am not a doctor. Nothing here replaces professional medical guidance. Mindfulness is an emotional lifeline, but always consult with your healthcare team for medical advice.
Final Words: Choosing Presence Over Panic
The roller coaster will keep moving. But you don’t have to be its captive. With mindfulness, you choose presence over panic, compassion over criticism, and resilience over despair.
P.S. Again, if you’re really going through the mill at the moment, please go to your GP or call the Samaritans on 116 123 (UK) or a professional that’s gets the emotional weight of T1D.
Speak soon,
Pete 🙂
T1D Mindset Coach
